Coming Apart at the Seams

Okay, I planned on using this as a weekly reflection, but haven't been faithful...Just add that to the eat right, exercise, drink more water, drink less "drinks", pick up my clothes list I guess.

I read that you should only make a list with one item so you feel successful....what's the sense?
1. Make List CHECK....yeahooo I'm a success today! haha.

I looked forward to year 2 of teaching because it was "so much easier". I have offically cried more since school started Sept 8 than I did all last year. In my critical thinking on the ride home I came up with the answer - last year when it all went haywire I could just say "Oh, this is my first year teaching...I really didn't know that. I should make note of that so I know next year" haha...."oops first year, silly me".

Now I am putting all this pressure on myself..."Should have known...second year" haha...well I don't freaking know. I have more students than ever. I am forever under piles of uncorrected "crap". Friday, friday - I'm at school til 5pm! Some laugh and say oh teachers, I am at work at 7pm sometimes....Well, to those that laugh, I'm calling at 6am when I leave my house IN THE DARK....side note: The sunset was AMAZING today. Brilliant red & orange lighting up the city as I drove thru. Looked like the city was on fire!

I have a math "coach" who is monitoring me 2 days a week. Has critized every part of everything. The big mistake I made: (others learn here) she told me to relate math words to regular vocab words. I'm extremely insecure about my vocab and honestly hate it so I told her I didn't feel comfortable relating math to regular words b/c I don't know if I know them....She has now gotten on the vocab war path and has insulted everything that comes out of my mouth! Gone as far as to tell me to "read the Geometry book, because the words and definitions are highlighted" arg.

So I cry. The principal calls me into her office, and I cry more...And here's the best part of the week...Nasty-ass teacher (yes co-worker) calls me over - she's on bathroom duty, I'm on hall duty - and says, you were in the pricipals office during your duty. Did you get called in? Was the principal aware that you were on a duty? Did you sit in there during your duty?...So I said if you paid that close attention then you would have noticed I was bawling my eyes out and the office was a better place for me to be than the halls. Oh, yes I am the only one assigned to hall duty that does it, daily! Okay...enough rambles....I guess this doesn't count as reflection on my teaching...can I CHECK it off anyway?

One Week In....

School started Tuesday for the teachers and Thursday for the students...I hate the first couple days of icebreakers and settling in. I hate going to meetings and being asked to hold hands with strangers and trade stories. I can imagin an image conscious teenager hates it more, not that I asked any of my classes to hold hands.

I have "true" freshmen for the first time. My freshman class last year was stocked with "repeaters" who were 17+...So now I have 14 year olds brand spankin new to the school, and they are little peanuts. Too scared to do much but give me blank stares like I'm on crack (which they probably would know if I were I guess) I do have three super social girls who are adorable, they try to talk to everyone and say good morning.

I am teaching two Geometry courses. One is an energetic bunch, the other...sheesh I'm bored just being near them! They are completely devoid of personality or the ability to crack the smallest smile. And....whine whine whine....eek!

Then there's the "repeaters", this years repeaters are from my courses last year. So yes, I failed them, now they get me with the same subject *again* - Now that is setting everyone up for success. The thing is, most of the students in this course are FUNNY so at least we're all entertained.

My throat kills, my legs are sore and my mind is exhausted. My brain is so tired it is making my face hurt. I've been working the 6:30 am to 4:30 pm shift...and getting up at 5:00 am agh, stinks! Who decided to start school at the crack of dawn was an evil evil person.

How Things Change

...so off to EL today to finish moving grandma's stuff out of her house so that her house can be sold. I can't imagine the stress of moving out of a home after living in it for 20 years. Probably because the longest I've been in one place is 5 years...My mom and two of her sisters are preparing the stuff that cannot fit into the assisted living apartment for a tag sale. Great-grandmas punch bowl for a dollar.

As if that is not enough emotional stress, I get a phone call on the way out. One of my students has been arrested and charged with assult and battery with a dangerous weapon. He happened to be one of the students that I bonded with. The man he beat up, has now died, there might be a manslaughter charge added. He's 17. He will be charged as an adult. Monday I checked my class list, and called my fellow teacher to tell her that he was in my class again and I couldn't wait to see him. Out of all 120 students listed on my roster, he's the only name I said.

I really thought I would have a second chance with him.

He would steal my coffee in the morning try to hide it, he would pester me the days he came in exactly at 8 am to go to the bathroom. We'd get on each others nerves. My favorite was as I pushed my "shopping" cart full of books and files down the hall he'd jump on it. My feet would slide along the floor and I'd distort my face to make it look as if I were straining. The other teachers would yell at him to get off, we'd laugh and eventually he'd come to my side and push the cart to the other side of the building.

Posession, distribution, intent to sell - sure he probably did that, and I would not be surprised if he got a few months probation for that, but never in a million years would I think he'd get picked up for what could end up being murder.

What now? What's my role...People are horrified that I want to do something...but it breaks my heart to think this funny kid will rot in jail.